I did a practice essay- let me know what points I got

During the period 1750-1900, nations that industrialized gained great power and as a result played a major role in imperialism. These nations such as Britain, the Dutch, the United States, Japan, and France all industrialized other nations. Most of these empires justified their imperial actions with Social Darwinism and the civilizing mission. They imperialized vulnerable states who didn’t industrialize to maintain their power, collect raw materials, and gain more power. As a result of state expansion, most indigenous people resisted state expansion, however, some went as far as rebelling against these states while other indigenous peoples reacted more peacefully and with strong nationalism.
The indigenous peoples reaction to state expansion by rebellion. For example, document 2 states that the Koreans wanted to raise an army to “exterminate” the Japanese, restore peace to their royal court, and secure peace for their nation. This shows the extreme reaction of rebellion the indigenous people of Korea have to Japan state expansion. They want to take forceful military action and rebel Japanese imperialism in Korea to restore their nation. This document is addressed to soliders and civilizans because they want to encourage and inspire them to rebel against Japanese imperialism. They want to increase the Korean people’s patrotism to get rid of Japanese presence in Korea. Additionally, document 3 shows a painting of the Battle of Adowa, in which the Ethiopians were victorious over Italian troops. This document shows another example of rebellion against state expansion, particially to Italian state expansion. The Ethipians rebelled against the Italians using military force of guns and were eventually successful. Similarly, beyond the documents, in South Africa, the Xhosa people refused to be ruled by Europeans and fought with the British for over 40 years, showing another example of how indigenous people rebelled using force. The Xhosa people killed their cattle, believing that the spirits will drive the Britsh away, showing extreme measures of the Xhosa people, different to most indigenous peoples reactions to state expansion. Another example beyond the documents is the resistance from the Sokoto Caliphate towards the French. They resisted them violently in a series of conflicts known as the Savory Toraires War. This shows another example of how indigenous people reacted violently, using military to fight against state expansion.
On the other hand, some indigenous peoples didn’t take extreme measures of rebellion and responded in increased nationalism. Document 4, for example, discusses how the Queen of the Hawaiian Islands, is protesting against United States ownership of Hawaii. This letter shows a more peaceful way of resisting state expansion among their territory. The Queen writes a letter to the United States explaining her concers and her resists to the United States imperialism on Hawii. The intended audience of this letter is to the United States. This is addressed to the United States because the United States attempted to expand into the area of Hawaii. The purpose of this was to resist United States expansion in Hawaii and to restore her land back to her, showing how these indigenois peoples resisted in a more peaceful way. Document 5 explains the complaints of Dutch imperialism among Javanese people. The author explains that the Dutch allow the Javanese to kiss their feet, which is a sign of respect for the Javanese show, and do not do it to strangers. They also explains that the Dutch feel superior to them, and show this through their attitude. Document 1 explains a response to a British offer to Ashanti in West Africa. The author declines their offer, but also states they will remain friendly to all white men. While this document shows resistance to state expansion of Britain, they do so in a kindly manner, with nationalism. They decline this offer because that want Ashanti to remain as is, without any influence from Europeans. This purpose of this document is to address the British and respond to their offer. They respectfully decline Britains offer of protection of his kingdom Ashanti.
In conclusion, indigenous peoples mostly resisted to state expansion during 1750-1900, however some did so violently and rebelled utilizing military might while others did so peaceful, like through letters.

The essay and the documents is here: https://apcentral.collegeboard.org/pdf/ap-2020exam-sample-questions-world-history.pdf

Thank you…

Hi! Lots of bright spots here.

Solid context, thesis, and use of docs. You also bring in OE well.

Thoughts here:

  • I could see you were shooting for sourcing, specifically with AP. My recommendation would be to really emphasize why/how the author’s purpose affects the read of the doc; saying for instance that for Doc 4 the purpose was to resist is a bit too conflated with how you’re supporting the arg. I might instead note that the Queen specifically touts her own prestige and note her word choice (which emphasizes her power as she is resisting), which emphasizes her resistance.
  • My other recommendation is to try for HC if you’re sourcing. If you can tie in a HC piece to a doc well, it’ll score. Here, I might note that the US had a pretty fraught relationship with Hawaii from the Monroe Doctrine era, ultimately using Dole and sugar to justify US influence there by the time of this letter. It’s why she’s responding forcefully.
  • Finally - consider precision of language. It’ll strengthen your arg further to avoid blanket terms like “peaceful” when what you mean is nonviolent (as in physical violence).
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thank you!!

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