Can someone please give this essay a rubric grade? Thanks in advance!
In 1920, women across America celebrated when, after relentless perseverance, the right of suffrage was granted to them. Sadly, this was far from the end of discrimination against women, who to this day continue to overcome prejudice and numerous difficulties in pursuit of their goals. On the occasion of the graduation of students at Mount Holyoke College, Madeline Albright, a former US Secretary of State with much political experience, gives a speech encouraging the women of Mount Holyoke to work tirelessly to pursue their dreams. Though Albright’s immediate audience is the graduating class at Mount Holyoke, Albright uses her speech to reach a much broader audience- women around the world. Adopting an optimistic and motivational tone, Albright establishes that the American people do not settle for mediocrity, posits that women from all backgrounds have worked tirelessly in the pursuit of justice, and finally shifts her focus to urge women to persevere through obstacles to attain success.
Citing numerous examples of the efforts of Americans to go “above and beyond” and better the world, Albright opines that Americans have a track record of accomplishing great things. Albright utilizes repetition of the phrase “We could be satisfied with. Instead…” to highlight the frequency with which Americans have taken actions to greatly better the world. Albright’s repetition establishes Americans’ remarkable actions as a common occurrence, rather than a rare phenomenon. Moreover, Albright utilizes this phrase with a variety of examples- she cites examples as radically different as “enlarging and adapting NATO” and ending the “child-maiming scourge of landmines”. The diversity in Albright’s selected examples demonstrates the broad reach of American actions. Albright’s numerous examples of American excellence evoke a sense of patriotism, encouraging the audience to follow suit and contribute to the generosity and greatness of her nation.
Building upon her examples highlighting the perseverance of Americans to make a difference, Albright posits that women around the world have exhibited comparable persistence to improve society. Similar to the patriotic appeal of Albright’s examples of American accomplishments, her references to the valiant efforts of women around the world contribute to a sense of unity and optimism among both her immediate and broader audience, who are women. In hearing the commendable efforts of fellow women, members of the audience feel that they too can effect great change, overcoming adversity. Thus, Albright’s examples are carefully tailored to appeal to her audience. To further develop this sense of unity, Albright draws parallels between the women of Mount Holyoke and “uncommon women” all around the world. Albright utilizes this phrase somewhat ironically; in stating that “uncommon women” are found throughout the world, she implies that they may not be so rare after all. In referring to the efforts of these women, Albright emphasizes their great diversity and establishes that, similar to the efforts of Americans, they have a broad reach. Albright adopts parallel structure, utilizing the phrase “In” followed by the name of countries such as “Burundi”, “Guatemala”, and “Burma” to establish that the women who effect great change can be of any nationality. Albright also highlights the differing circumstances of these women with the use of the phrase “…whether bumping against a glass ceiling or rising from a dirt floor”. By juxtaposing a “glass ceiling” and “dirt floor”, which are two very different things, Albright establishes that women need not be of a certain status or come from a specific background to have remarkable accomplishments; rather, any woman is capable of doing so, provided that she works hard.
Albright ends her speech by calling to action her audience to prevail against the odds to attain their goals. Albright adopts phrases such as “There is no doubt”, “It is certain” and “inevitably” to emphasize that it is certain that these women will face obstacles in their pursuit of success. To draw attention to the fact that these setbacks can have an adverse emotional impact by employing phrases such as “ridiculed and challenged” and “derisively dismissed”. However, Albright her audience to not lose hope when faced with these obstacles and to continue to persevere. She follows each vivid description of an obstacle with the phrase “But no matter…” to emphasize how imperative it is that these women do not lose sight of their goals in the face of adversity.
Your introduction and thesis statement are quite strong and demonstrate sophistication, but your only paragraph which clearly connects to the purpose of perseverance for women is the middle body paragraph. The first and third body paragraphs DO contribute to the line of reasoning for your overall argument, but you need to be more specific (possibly just 1-2 more sentences of commentary for each paragraph) about how these choices help her encourage women to persevere.
Overall, I would give this essay a 1-3-0 (some might give it a 1-3-1, but I’m not convinced it’s nuanced enough beyond the introduction to get the sophistication point). Keep connecting to purpose in order to bring the score up in row B.
Thanks so much!